Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
