I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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