i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
