No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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