gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
