Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
