hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
