whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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