It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
