im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
