Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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