I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I did not marry a roomba.
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