I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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