Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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