please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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