Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
love makes seman taste better
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
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