so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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