Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize