woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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