Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
