Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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