I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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