maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
