it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize
