bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
