I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
