i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
