I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
