Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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