Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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