This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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