You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You were trust falling into bushes
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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