we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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