I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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