she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
