It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
