im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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