She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
