Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
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Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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