It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
