I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
