I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
