i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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