so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
im drinking this country out of the recession.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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