You're my little dorito
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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