Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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