Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
