You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
