In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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