That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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