I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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