Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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