If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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