He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
