Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
