Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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