Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
