I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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