she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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