I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
