I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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