Pants 0. Shit 1.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
