I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
