STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
