Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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