I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
