Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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