i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
