I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
