I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
