He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
