She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
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