Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
