Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
