I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's shark week go big or go home
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
