Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
