Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
