my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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