Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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